BET's 106 & Park Special on Body Image

After realizing the narrow beauty standards that seemed to exist in China, I started a mentorship program for middle school girls to help boost their self-esteem and teach them that real beauty is not something which can be measured. You are not your hair, complexion, weight or height, beauty comes from within- you are unique and beautiful.


The program teaches them to learn to accept themselves but what does that look like on a practical level? Looking yourself in the mirror and saying "this is what I was given and I am going to work with it. I may not be where I want to be but I am going to love me while working on getting to where I want to be." The pressures to look and feel beautiful start at a younger age as a result of parental, peer, environmental and other social pressures. With the media portraying such unrealistic standards of beauty, it is understandable why people have so many self-esteem and body image issues.

While it may be understandable, it is not acceptable, there needs to be a beauty revolution-- be gentle and kind to yourself, magnify your positives and make the liberating discovery that we are not perfect, we all have flaws and there is nothing wrong with that!

The first step is education- people need to know that they are not alone, the reasons they feel the way they do and all the factors that play into the situation. BET has made it their duty to respond to this issue of body image so many people struggle with. So when I was invited to attend the taping with The King's Daughters, I was so excited to know that intital steps were being taken to rectify the misconceptions. Thanks to BET for realizing the gravity of the situation and responding to it reaching one of the demographics that is mostly affected.Three panelists were invited to respond to questions and share information with the audience. I would have preferred to hear more practical responses from the expert panelists. I think they were knowledgeable about their field but did not seem relate to their audience and extend the knowledge in a relevant manner.

For example, someone asked "what advice would you give to a person if they want to look like a celebrity?"-- this question was answered by the plastic surgeon in a very light hearted manner "I would lock you up in a room and beat the crap out of you until you change your mind because you should never want to look like anyone else" Now granted his intention was pure, he is trying to encourage the female who asked the question to accept herself and strive to be no one else but herself. But is it me or is it just a little ironic that a plastic surgeon (person who has a lifestyle of changing people who have not accepted themselves for how they look) responded in what I would consider an unfavorable manner- lets not be judgmental -- I digress. However if this is a real issue that the female was asking then she was not only insulted in TV but the question was just avoided in a sense.
I would have liked to hear something more encouraging, factual and inspiring.

Another question came in from Twitter "what should I do if people keep teasing me about my complexion because my skin is really dark?" The response (not verbatim) was you can use XYZ product to blend your complexion.... and "if the problem persists then you can see a dermatologist"!!!!!!!! I'm sorry... "if the problem persists"-- what problem exactly are we addressing? I did not know that having dark complexion was a problem-- acne is a problem not dark skin!

Another response I wished was more thoughtfully considered was to a question about light and dark blotches on their face and acne... the response was "you know this is for minor issues, I'm not talking like Michael Jackson".... OK while we know that MJ had a skin disease and it is possible the panelist was speaking from a very objective standpoint ( I honestly believe it was not a low blow)-- we are so not ready for comments about him like that. Does anyone know what RIP means?

What BET meant to do was awesome:
This documentary certainly changed my mood. Sundance Fim festival featured this Chris Rock project on black hair called Good Hair-- he highlights the cultural and business side of what it means to have "good hair". The project began when his daughter Lola came to him asking "Daddy, how comes I don't have good hair?" The comedian devoted himself to research to find out where the concept of "good hair" originated from. Kudos to Chris Rock for embarking on the journey to answer such an important question.

Another huge turning point for me was when Rocsi shared that she struggled with weight issues and body image. When she was in high school she was 75 lbs and was a cheerleader, she would starve herself- she suffered from anorexia. I think it was a huge step for to speak out because so many girls look up to her and now they can understand that she is not perfect, that when she wakes up in the morning, she does not look the way she appears on TV, that it tathat kes 3 hours for her to get "beautiful" for the taping and that we should "not judge others because you can be the person helping to kill them."
Watch hear other girls stories
The issues: hair, complexion and weight

Some girls shared their body image issues. Before Sandra G revealed her issue, voters polled but was weird is that when they guessed what this female was struggling with- complexion was the number one vote. Her issue was actually hair and props to Sandra for pulling her wig off on stage in front of so many viewers.

Aminat- America's Next top Model
We were taken "backstage" to see before and after shots of how models transform for a photo shoot. she taled about her flaws and how they are edited out.


She was asked for advice and said what I have always been saying and telling me students "don't try to look like a model because they don't even look like that. I would say be healthy, eat right, stay fit and drink alot of water."Taina

After the show, Kristen-Brianna and I caught up with Tiana (one of the ladies who revealed their body struggles). Her issue was weight and she wanted to do surgery because she was so tired of battling her weight and tired of being "the fat girl". She was so sweet and adorable as she spoke to us; its so terrible how we judge people on their looks or ostracize people because of their differences. You never know what people are dealing with, why they are the way they are so learn to be sensitive. Make an effort to focus less on your differences and more on similarities. Commit to being kinder to yourself. Stop being so hard on yourself- ladies and men... you are beautiful.

First Lady's Tour: Florida!

Being in Florida was like a mini high school renuion! After a game of taboo at like 2am, we took this pic...hence the crazy hair and sleepy eyes... for Mario- its just the dreamy eyes lolJust got to Fort Lauderdale beach


Then went to go see my godson and girlfriend


Then T... T we love you for your work...support our troops yall!

Life is too short..choose wisely

Please read all of it... it may change your mind or your life...

MARRIAGE (from an email received from Belle)

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions... She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger... I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.. Do have a real happy marriage?

Phones

Should I get the treo or blackberry? cast your votes now

Thoughts for today

Why does it feel so wrong to do something so right?

Busy Sunday

Roxanne, Roland and I at CCC in Brooklyn
The Manhattan bridge

Lamou and I chillin on the rooftop

Joshua's bd party at Covo Trattoria http://www.covony.com/



Then I had to go home to see my baby!

My cuz Mich in CT

Look how tired I look!!! Aint my cuz cute??? I know it runs in the fam...

La douceur de vivre (The Sweet Life)

I met up with Olivia for a posh party in the city to celebrate Bastille Day. Now if you are not familiar with this day- its the French National holiday commemorating the uprising of a modern nation during the French Revolution. There is a lot more to the storming but that's your crash course... I take credit cards, checks and cash!

Olivia, I missed you!



I met some really interesting people. One lady lives in Beijing so we recounted some of the stories of us living in China. On the way home, I saw a girl and she was writing a paper on education. I remember how it was huge culture shock for me that people didnt talk to each other in New York and how weird it was for me. I decided to break my NY tradition, get rid of my screwface and initiate a conversation knowing quite well that she could give me the cold shoulder and the leave me alone face or accept the invitation to communicate. I really have no clue where she is from but she was a jilbaab (the Muslim looking attire) but based on her paper I knew she at least spoke English. I started the convo, she turned smiled and started telling me about another paper she did on outsourcing and apologized for sitting at my seat so I had to hold my heavy bag. We spoke about the economy and then she said something about being happy to meet me with the preface "thank God that we..". The point is the need to communicate is a human feature and the quicker we learn to focus less on our differences and magnify our similarities, the sooner we will move to living the sweet life (la dolce vita). We are human and that calls for interdependence whether it be for serious help, a good conversation or just a sense of belonging.

Life life to the fullest

Back to the NYC lifestyle!

3pm Dress fitting in the city430pm Wedding Rehearsal
6pm Wedding Rehearsal Dinner

Pick up flowers, edit songs, last minute issues- go to bed at 430am; wake up at 530 am
11am Wedding
Pronouncing Mr and mrs Josue Moise
Try to stay awake in church, go to Far Rockaway-- next day-- IHOP then Long Island veil fitting

Wind down with a productive Theta Phi Gamma meeting and catch up with sister

Did we kill him?

While the media can be a very useful medium to get information across; it can also be a vicious tool used to slander, pressure and incite fear. Yesterday the world celebrated Michael Jackson. While I cannot say that I am personally mourning because I don't involve myself in celebrity lifestyle since I know none of them personally, but indisputably I can say we lost one of the greatest artists in the entertainment industry.

 

It's so weird how people celebrate one's life a little too late, every time we hear about someone passing or go to a funeral we remember the valuable lesson of treating people well and showing you appreciate them while they are alive. Then too soon after, we forget.

Michael had issues - that was clear, but don't we all. Isn't the only difference that ours aren't magnified and publicized? We scream, "we love you MJ" but tear him a part every time he makes a decision. Now clearly there comes a point in a person's life when they must take responsibility for their own actions, but its always easier to get by with support and unconditional love.

 

The memorial was a cross between an actual mourning ceremony and a social event. The coverage by NBC commented "..... performed at the show.... what show? As Al Sharpton rightly said to comfort the children "Wasn't nothing strange about your daddy. It was strange what your daddy had to deal with" - well now that he is dead, maybe he can RIP, as Jermain stated "maybe now people will leave him alone".... but maybe not

Sam

Lunch date with Janelle; spent the day with my big sis Sybil and my babyboy Sam. Can't say I never told you- Sam is a star yall! Look at Darren, she's so cute

What??? Why???

When I just moved to New York from Jamaica, I had some serious culture shock "what? people don't talk to people they don't know? What's up with that?"
I remember how in Jamaica I would say "hello" to someone I did not know or would stop in the street to talk to someone I knew and for me thats just totally natural. So I get to NY and I see people in the elevator and I smile and say "hello" and they look at me, give me a fake smile and a weird look like "ok crazy I'm getting off at the next floor, move over"

What's up with that? Now my New Yorkers, don't get offensive. I am not saying that Jamaicans are better (because we already know that lol!) or Chinese people are better because they are friendlier (or just straight up inquisitive) but its something I've noticed and .... its my blog lol!

BBQ in Long Island